I suppose this tendency is easy to be misunderstood, and I was once told “you need to connect with people - they want to express something to you. You should give them that.” So I have become (slowly) better about this.
But what I experienced a couple nights ago in Knoxville, TN is the kind of thing that could cause me to make steps backwards in this progress toward a more extroverted attitude. Following our two sets of expressive, exploring and swinging music, I packed up my horns, loaded them into their flight cases, and headed to the stage door. This exited out onto an alley-like street, and many of the main theater exit doors also emptied out onto this small street.
As I walked up the block, back to the hotel, the street became more and more populated with concert-goers. I smiled as I passed people, some saying “nice concert” or “sounded great” or “thank you.” I thanked them back but kept moving. When I got to the corner a man recognized me and said “Boy, YOU sucked,” and laughed, showing off to his wife. I know he was being sarcastic and trying to be hip/cool, but it still felt slightly alarming. Before I could formulate a response he talked quickly, mostly about himself. I was still recovering from his first comment when our trombonist Chris Crenshaw approached the intersection. The man saw Chris and blurted out “Hey, here is another one who sucked.” I took this opportunity to make my escape, crossing the street while the light was still red.
I got a couple blocks closer to the hotel and short-cutted it across a parking lot, passing a man opening his car door. “Were you in the band” he said, and as I got closer. “Oh, yeah you were. Can I ask you something? What is your background?”
“Yeah, where are you from?”
“Oh, I’m originally from Los Angeles but live in New York.”
“Ah. I was wondering where you were from because you were one of the more reserved guys in the band.”
“Yeah, your expressions.”
“Oh, I see. That’s what you took away from the concert?” I though maybe he had been curious where I was from because he heard some kind of influence in my playing.
“Los Angeles, huh? You still from there?”
“Am I still from there?”
“Yeah, there is this great radio station, plays big band hits. You’d love it.”
“I’m sure I would. If I were still from there. Have a good night.”
A block later I was back in the hotel. Safe...